The Key to a "Happy Wife, Happy Life."

I had an a-ha moment the other day. And I’m here to share it with you.

I was sitting at the table, stalking instagram, and eating my breakfast/dinner (I had just woken up, but it was 4:45 p.m… hence breakfast/dinner). It was ten minutes before I needed to leave for work. I got a phone call from a distraught Tristan who wasn’t going to be able to make it home from work in time to make me tea for my night shift.

Enter: A-ha moment.

In times past, I’ve been disappointed or even briefly angry about something that Tristan was unable to come through on. This particular day, I wasn’t expecting him to make me any tea, therefore, when he wasn’t able to make it I was not only not disappointed but I was also beyond touched at the thought. In this case, it really was the thought that counted.

Enter: Expect nothing, give everything.

I’ve heard this quote a million times. Tristan and I have tried to base our marriage off of this from the beginning and for the most part, I thought we were doing well. But here we are at over 4 years of marriage and I just now feel like I completely understand how this actually works.

Here’s the thing with the quote “Happy wife, happy life."

1. It’s true.

2.  It is typically said in a manner that suggests, “Husband, you better keep your wife happy or else.”

3. The above is completely wrong! “Wife, you keep yourself happy! And husband, you can help on the days when she just can’t do it on her own.”

And wife, here’s a part of how you stay happy.

EXPECT NOTHING. I know, this is so hard! But it completely works. Expectations set your spouse up for failure. If you expect a back massage every night then you are going to be disappointed when you don’t get it. If your spouse says randomly one night, “I’d like to give you a back massage,” you are going to be stoked! The night you expected a massage, if you had gotten it, you would have appreciated it because it’s what you wanted. But the night your spouse decides to give you a massage, you appreciate it because they thought of you and they wanted to do something nice for you. Your appreciation is that much greater because it was their thought not yours.

GIVE EVERYTHING. You can’t control another person. All you can control is you. So you give everything that you have. And I promise, in turn, they will give you everything they have.

I’m not saying that you can’t ask your spouse to do the dishes or wash the dog. Sometimes, life is such that you do need to ask and you should have a trusting enough relationship to know that if you ask, they will do. And same vice versa, if they ask you to do something, they should be able to trust that you will do it.

But stop expecting flowers. Stop expecting them to take out the trash. Stop expecting them to read your mind. You will be happier. They will be happier. And together, you will be happier.

 < what do you think? have you had a similar experience? or do you disagree and why? >