i feel very blessed today

My heart is full of gratitude today and I couldn't think of a better way to express my feelings than through writing.

I love my life. But, it hasn't always been the easiest for me. I've struggled intensely for 4-5 years now and for the first time in all of that time, I feel a weight lifting. I feel like I am headed in the right direction. I know life is always going to be hard, I know that everyone has bad days, I know that I will constantly need to turn to my Savior for help. But, I feel like I can do it. And I want to do it.

A very wise woman once told me, "Your Savior doesn't wait at the finish line for you to finish the race. You can't run this race without him. Somedays, he will be by your side cheering you on. Somedays, he will be holding your hand, pulling you along. And somedays, when you think you just can't keep going, he will pick you up in his arms and carry you until you have the strength to stand on your own two feet again." I love this. Growing up, the ultimate goal was always to make it back to live with my Heavenly Father again. In a way, he was the light at the end of the tunnel. If I made it through this life in one piece, he would be there waiting for me. Thankfully I've learned that he is not the light at the end of the tunnel. He is the light through the tunnel. He is the light that is with me the entire way.

That same woman encouraged me to write down things that bring me comfort, peace and joy. Sounds easy right? In ten minutes though I had three things written down. Only three!! This makes me sound ungrateful. This makes me sound pessimistic. And maybe I was, maybe I am. And do you know how many things she wanted me to write down, one hundred and one. I'm still working on my list and I believe that I will continue to add to it for the rest of my life. But as I continue to add to my list I'm realizing how much it is the small and simple things that bring me the most joy.

Maybe it's in the spirit of the month of November that I'm feeling so grateful. Regardless of the reasoning, I have much to be grateful for.

1. My husband Tristan is my rock. We've been married for three years and he will be the first to tell you that it isn't always perfect. But he is the reason I am who I am today. He is my cheerleader when I'm convinced I can't try any longer. He believes in me when I'm sure that I am a failure. He pushes me to try new things, to get out of my comfort zone, and to continue growing. He is the voice in my head telling me that I am beautiful on those bad hair days or just overall bad days. He is the reason I've been able to go through nursing school without a job, he works hard day in and day out to provide for our family. He is the person that has been there for me when even I can't stand to be around me. He is the reason that I feel like my life is headed in the right direction.

2. Kacee is my baby girl. We all know it. I constantly post pictures of her. My family will be the first to tell you that I treat her more like my child than a dog. She loves me unconditionally. She can read my feelings better than I can. She is the sweetest thing and I am so grateful that Tristan pushed past my aversion to pets within our first year of marriage, so that I could have her with me through the good and the bad.

3. As many of you know, we've been relying heavily on our parents for the past two years. Last school year we were living with Tristan's parents. We had planned on buying a house that year but the company Tristan was working for shorted us a lot of money and it pushed our plans back. This school year we are living with my parents for the same reason, we are trying to buy a house. How grateful I am for their generosity and patience as we try to figure out where we should be at this point in our life. And mostly I am grateful for the relationships that have been built because of living with them.
I have a relationship with Tristan's dad that I wouldn't trade for the world. We got to run errands together, watch our favorite tv shows together (yes, he endures Pretty Little Liars probably more because I like it than because he does), and I got to learn cooking tricks from him. We got to develop a relationship with Tristan's siblings that never would have been there if we didn't spend so much time with them. I love hearing about Ashley's teenage adventures. I love playing Just Dance with them. And I love feeling like their sister rather than just a sister-in-law. And of course I'm grateful for his mom's encouraging words, expertise in the nursing field, and willingness to take care of Kacee while we were constantly gone at school and work.

Even living with my family now, I never thought I could love them more than I already did but I do. When I was younger, me and my little sister Shay clashed a lot. I thought she was a drama queen and spoiled brat, and she didn't like me because I was mean to her. Now, she comes and sits on my bed just to talk. I feel like I finally have the relationship with her that I've always had with my older sister Ashley. I love hearing about her life, and I love being able to share some of the most intimate details of my struggles with her and know that she isn't judging me. Andrew and I have always been buds. But I love watching his relationship with Tristan develop. I go to bed early most nights of the week and Tristan stays up to hang out with, watch tv shows with, or play Clash of Clans with Andrew, and sometimes even Shay. As for my amazing parents, I'm grateful to be able to find hope and comfort in talking to my mom. And I absolutely love telling my dad about my day when he gets home from work, and hearing about his day in return.

4. Who would have ever thought that I would be so grateful for school? I am beyond stressed every day of my life. I want to quit more times than not. But I love what I'm studying. I love my clinical settings, I love being able to work with patients. I love the friends I have found through the program and the way that we support and help each other. And how can I not be grateful for the importance my parents placed on education and their continued financial support as I finish up my last year?

My list truly could go on and on. In the spirit of the Thanksgiving holiday I'd like to list 30 for the month of November. You can keep on reading if you so desire, or you could go make your own list.

5. A body that is fully functioning and overall healthy. I love to hike, mountain bike, run, ski, take my Kacee on walks and swim. I was able to do gymnastics and cheer for most of my life. And I continue to be able to basically anything I want to.

6. A big extended family! My dad has 8 brothers and my mom has 5 sibling = lot's of cousins! Add on Tristan's extended family to that and we have a very wide net of family support! I'm grateful that despite living in different states, having busy schedules, and such differing ages, that we are able to stay close to our family.

7. My friends. I've made a lot of friends over the years. Friends from Elementary School, friends from High School, friends from the nursing program, friends from my various jobs. And I'm grateful for the role each has played in my life. But most importantly I'm grateful for Megan and Brooke. They are both away serving missions but I still feel their love and support. I can tell through theirs letters that they are still fully aware of what is going on in my life and completely in tune with the spirit to know what I may need to hear at that time. They are such amazing examples to me!

8. My experiences outside of Utah. I've traveled a fair amount with my family - South Carolina, Hawaii, Mexico, Texas, etc… I've been able to be a few places with my husband - California, Wisconsin, Maryland, Virginia, Pennsylvania, Jamaica, etc… And I've been a few places on my own - Guatemala, Honduras, Mexico, Ecuador. Oh the perspective you get when you live or visit other places.


9. On that note, I'm grateful for my experiences in Ecuador. It was the most amazing experience I have ever had and I will forever be grateful to the kids who changed my life forever. They taught me unconditional love. They showed me daily the light of Christ. They had the most amazing spirits and I look forward to the day when I get to see them in Heaven, freed from their imperfect bodies. I'm grateful for the opportunity to serve them and I'm grateful to them for teaching me more than I could have ever given to them. Not a day goes by that I don't think about them and not a year goes by that I don't think about going back.


10. Primary. Tristan and I teach 12 (10 boys, 2 girls) ten-year-olds. It is hard! They test my patience. But in the end they teach me so much. And I love the simple reminder of gospel truths that comes from primary songs.

11. I am grateful for church leaders who put so much time into their callings. My dad is the Bishop and as I've lived with my family again, I've seen just how much he does for the members of his ward. I'm grateful for a living prophet and apostles. I am amazed every general conference at the way they address problems I've been needing addressed.

12. I am grateful for my nephew. He is the baby fix I need until it is the right time for me to start my own family. He brightens the day when he comes to visit. Kacee and Parker are best friends and they are adorable together.

13. And on that note, my gorgeous sister. She has always been my best friend and I look back fondly on the memories we've shared. She is an amazing example of a loving mother and wife. We may not talk everyday and we may not see each other everyday but I know she's always there if I need her.

14. The sun, there is nothing better than opening all the blinds in the morning to allow every ounce of natural light in the house. There is nothing better than going outside during the fall and feeling warmed by the sun despite the chilly temperatures. There is nothing better than laying out in the scorching sun then jumping into cool water.

15. Snow! It is beautiful and it makes me happy.



16. Technology that allows me to stay in contact with those I love. My brother on a mission, my best friends on their missions, my family when Tristan and I move away for the summers.

17. Washing machines and dryers - laundry day takes me ALL day long! Can you imagine if I had to wash it all by hand???

18. Microwaves - Tristan and I have lived without one in three different apartments. Cancer causing or not, microwaves add so much ease to cooking!

19. Chocolate, need I say more?

20. Snuggling - After a rough day at school, it sure can make things better. When it's cold, snuggle. Watching a movie? Snuggle. I love it!

21. A warm bed. For someone who requires at least 8 hours of sleep a night to function, a cozy bed is top priority. I actually look forward to coming home and hopping in bed. I'm not sure if that is sad or awesome. But basically, I am super grateful for my bed and for sleep.

22. Popcorn - anyone who knows me knows that I love my popcorn. I'm not very good at sharing my popcorn because I love it so much.

23. Cameras - I've recently been pulling out old family photo albums and I'm so grateful that someone invented the camera so that we can capture some of our best memories. I can see pictures of my parents growing up. I can see pictures of my siblings and I growing up. And Tristan and I can look back on all the great years we've already spent together.

24. Mountains - In all the moving around that Tristan and I have done, the one thing I miss the most is the mountains. First, because that is the only way I can know north to south from east to west. Second, because they are gorgeous! And third because I love to hike and mountain bike.

25. My chiropractor - I would never survive all my migraines and back pain without his help!

26. Modern medicine - As I've seen more and more people turn from modern medicine I can't help but feel grateful that I've only had good experiences in that department. I see great things coming from holistic medicine and I think a combination of both is perfect, but I'm grateful for the assurance that if anything ever went wrong, I could get the help that I needed.

27. My car - Tristan and I lived with one car for awhile, it was hard! I had to walk a lot, ride my bike, and rely on public transportation. It was very stressful. I've taken front runner and trax to school a lot since its so far but I'm grateful that if I want to sleep in I do have the option to drive up to school.

28. Time - I sometimes feel like I don't have enough of it but I'm grateful for the time that I do have.

29. Organization - I may be slightly OCD but I am grateful for cleanliness and order which makes life run that much smoother.

30. And to bring it full circle, I am most especially grateful for my Savior. For the Atonement that not only cleanses me from my sins but also allows me to place my burdens on Christ. I don't have to do it all by myself. I'm grateful for prayers and for answers even if they aren't what I expect. I'm grateful for His plan, I know His plan for me is always better than my own.

If any you made it to the end of this, props to you. I hope everyone can take some time to make their own list. Happy November!!

XO

Kristin