What I learned about being a nurse by being the patient's family.

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On Saturday morning we got a text from Tristan's dad letting us know that his Tata Nadia was at the hospital. She ended up going in for emergency surgery and has been in the ICU since then. It was a weird feeling to go from working four nights in a row at that same hospital being the one taking care of the patient, to sitting in the waiting room for three days unable to do anything to help. It was at that moment that I realized how awful it is to be the family, how helpless you feel, and what nurses can do to make it just a little bit easier. So for all you nurses out there, this is what I learned.

1. Explain what you are doing.

There were so many times when I was in the room that the nurse would come in, start hanging things and stopping other things without saying a word. As the nurse, we know what's going on with this patient, we've received a full report and we know what we need to do. But the family doesn't what it is you've brought in and why their family member needs it, most don't have a medical background at all. So what I've learned that would make the family more comfortable is to explain what you are doing as you do it, every time.

2. Don't look so worried all the time.

Being a nurse is hard. Most of the time you are stressed and overworked. A lot of times you are exhausted. But put on a smile! Be a comfort for the family not an added source of stress. When you look stressed, it makes the family wonder what's going on with their loved one that you aren't telling them. It makes them wonder if they have a reason to be more stressed too.  I'm not saying to disregard the seriousness of the situation, and obviously you shouldn't put on a giant grin if the family is in tears, but be aware of your countenance and what you are portraying to the family.

3. Know your patient's background.

We had quite the scare this morning when the nurse on the phone said, "I can't tell you anything but I will tell you she's not doing well." The whole family rushed over in a panic just to see that she hadn't changed from the day before. She wasn't any better, but she also wasn't any worse. We talked to the doctor and he said everything that was happening was what he expected to see. What I learned from this is that you need to be aware of the state your patient was in the days previous, that way when the family asks how they are doing, you can give a better answer. Of course our Tata Nadia isn't doing well, she has a lot going on! But she wasn't worse than the day before so if you look at it that way, she's actually doing quite well.

4. Remember to translate medical talk into understandable terms.

Both my mother-in-law and I are nurses so anytime we left the room, we'd take a minute to explain what just happened in terms that the rest of the family understood. The doctor isn't always good at this but the nurse should always be there while the doctor is talking so that they can answer questions that the family may have about what he said.

5. Allow the family to help in any way possible.
Are they able to hold her hand, talk to her? If doing those things won't harm the patient, let the family members know that this is a good way to comfort their loved one. If they can help you reposition their family member or place pillows, let them do it. They feel helpless so if you let them do small things, it helps them feel that much more involved. My cousin was thrilled to be able to just hold a tube in place while physical therapy worked on her mom. That was all she was able to do but something that small meant the world to her.

6. Treat that patient like she is your mom, sister, niece, daughter.

We learned this in school and we've learned this constantly since but it's an important reminder. If that patient were your family member, what would you want to be done, how would you want her treated, and what would you want to know about the situation.

7. Remind the family to take care of themselves.
They won't be able to take care of their loved one if they get sick from not getting enough sleep. Remind them that they need to take care of themselves first - eating, sleeping, personal hygiene, things that help them relieve stress. Allow them to call for updates whenever they want even if that's once an hour. If it helps them feel more comfortable leaving then it's just fine.

For those of you who aren't nurses, have you had any experiences at the hospital that were pleasant or unpleasant for whatever reason? What have the nurses done to either help or make worse the situation? I'd love to get more advice from family on what I can do as a nurse to make the experience a little more bearable!