I don't know about you, but I am absolutely loving the frequent summer rainstorms passing through Utah. I don't mind heading outside during the brunt of a downfall just to get completely soaked. In fact I love it. I've tried inviting Kacee along but unfortunately she doesn't enjoy it like I do. In fact, she hates it. Thunder and heavy rain is one of Kacee's fears. She may have a lot of fears but I'd say this one is her worst.
In regards to fears and insecurities, I have a bit of a confession to make. I've struggled with what may seem like a minor insecurity but really makes me question my knowledge and capabilities. As you all know, I've recently graduated and started my dream job in the NICU. A week or so ago I was set free to work my own shifts. My first shift on my own, one of my baby's parents came in. These parents have multiple kids at home and are at least ten years older than me. The dad looked at me and said something along the lines of 'there is no way you are a nurse, you are way too young'.
I get this on a daily basis. Ever since I turned 18 years old, people still think I'm 15 years old. For the most part, it doesn't matter. I look young, so what? I'll appreciate it someday.
This particular comment made by a dad who only had his baby's best interests at heart, really shook my confidence. I am new to this job, everyday I am learning more and more, I'm a very competent nurse but I do not have the expertise of a nurse who has spent her entire career working with these tiny babies. As the parents were leaving for the night, the dad turned to me and said "I know it's not polite to ask a woman her age but since I'm leaving my baby in your care, I think I deserve to know." I don't want people to question my ability to care for their baby just because I look young. I worked hard to get where I am today and I continue to work hard to learn everything that I can. It was nerve-wracking enough just because I was on my own for the first time, then to feel like I can't even fake confidence because of the way I look?
I've spent a lot of time focusing on this insecurity this past week because it was something that I didn't want looming over me everyday. I didn't want to introduce myself to parents with the nagging fear that they'd be internally [or externally] questioning my ability to care for their child because I look too young to be a nurse. As I've been praying and studying, I've come across two quotes that have really helped give perspective.
"You must do everything you can to make your appearance pleasing, but the minute you walk out the door, forget yourself and start concentrating on others."
-The Sanctity of the Body by Susan W. Tanner in the October 2005 General Conference-
This may not completely apply to my situation but it was exactly what I needed to hear. Who cares what they think of me initially? I can easily show them that I am not only capable but also caring and compassionate. I'm a NICU nurse because I love those babies. I need to forget myself and serve those tiny, perfect spirits.
“I testify that no one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another. I testify that He loves each of us—insecurities, anxieties, self-image, and all. He doesn’t measure our talents or our looks; He doesn’t measure our professions or our possessions. He cheers on every runner, calling out that the race is against sin, not against each other.”
-Jeffery R. Holland-
We all have fears and we all have insecurities. It's a part of life. But we are all Children of God with more potential then we can even fathom. Love each other, love yourself, and know that even if you feel overweighed by your insecurities... there are people out there [your family, your friends, and your Father in Heaven] who know just how great you are. Now I'll leave you with a few other quotes that are currently on my list of favorites. I hope there is something in here that can help enrich your life as much as they have helped me and mine.
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