Mental Illness: Because it exists.

I’ve thought about this post for months now. I’ve written and re-written it half a dozen times. I’ve hesitated for days with my cursor just over the publish button...

For the past 5+ years of my life, I’ve battled depression and anxiety.

It’s still just as hard to admit that now as it was the first time I actually admitted to myself that it was a potential problem.

It took me years to allow my love, Tristan, to help me get help.

It took even more time for me to allow my family to be a source of strength.

Is everything all perfect now that I’ve accepted medication as a part of my life? Is everything normal now that I’ve found a therapist that I feel like I can open up to and actually seems to be helping?

No.

Depression is a debilitating illness. Yes, illness. If I said that I get migraines, everyone would understand, no one would feel uncomfortable.  Depression is filled with isolation, helplessness, exhaustion, sadness, feelings of inadequacy, feelings of hopelessness, lack of desire, irritability, selfishness and disappointment. For the longest time I held onto the thought that if I were stronger, I could deal with this on my own. If I tried really hard, I could snap out of this.

Let me tell you something. There is no such thing as snapping out of it. For someone who has never dealt with depression, this is an incredibly hard concept to grasp. It has taken Tristan years to accept that he can’t snap me out of a dark place. That all he can do is be there for me and know that someday soon I will be back to my normal self. But the key is that he is there for me. Sometimes I need to be held. Sometimes I just need to be alone. Sometimes I need him to force me out of the house. And sometimes I just need to know that he loves me and that this depression isn’t who I am.

For those who struggle with depression or anxiety, here is my advice to you.

| Don’t be afraid to get help. |

| Always remember that your illness doesn’t define you. |

| Don’t be afraid to take a day to sulk but always get back up, go to work or school, and keep living… eventually your normal self will return. |

| On that note, your normal self WILL return, never ever give up. As hard as it is to keep going in the thick of things, life IS worth it. |

For those who don’t struggle with depression or anxiety, here is my advice to you.

| Never tell someone who is struggling that they just need to exercise more – my worst bout of depression was summer of 2013 and I was running 5-6 miles a day as well as weight lifting. For some people, exercise may be the key, for others it may not. |

| Never tell someone who is struggling that if they truly understood the atonement, their problems would go away. | I can promise that they have already thought to themselves “If I was a better member of the church I wouldn’t have to deal with this. I must be a horrible person and this is my punishment.” | We all deal with trials and it’s not based on our worth as a person. Prayer definitely helps, but it isn’t always a cure. |

| Give them a hug and let them know you love them. |

I hope that someday, the stigma surrounding depression and anxiety will fade away. But for now, all we can do is our very best, whether that be supporting a loved one who struggles or reaching out to help those who may share your trials.

You are who you are, because of the struggles you have gone through.

This post has some great advice on being friends with someone who suffers from depression. 

And this talk was an answer to fervent prayers during a rough time.