I couldn't let this week pass me by without opening up about our most recent infertility trial. Because what's more therapeutic than writing it out, right? The theme this year is "Listen Up" so for those of you reading this, thank you for listening!
Most people know that we struggled to get our McKai boy so Tristan and I decided to start trying when McKai was about 6 months old for baby #2. We knew we wanted our kids to be 2 years apart (yes, we still try to plan, even now... ha!) and we also knew that it probably wouldn't be easy. Oh but how I hoped it would be easy! I had heard so many stories of people who struggled with their first and never struggled again. "It's like my first pregnancy kickstarted my body", they'd say. Unfortunately, that was not my story. Almost! But not quite...
Month One: I got pregnant our very first try! Only to miscarry at 5 weeks. I wasn't very far along but it was still devastating. The joy of conceiving first try carried me through it initially but once the next positive pregnancy test never came... I realized I'd held onto some false hope. Just because I conceived first try that time, didn't mean it'd be that easy ever again.
Month Ten: I found out that my sister was pregnant. She had just barely taken out her IUD. I didn't expect it to be this hard but my first reaction was complete devastation. What should have been the happiest news, sent me in a downward spiral. It took me a week or so but eventually the shock wore off and I'm happy to say that I cannot wait to meet her baby BOY!
And all the months in between: One by one, everyone that I shared being pregnant with McKai with has announced their pregnancy with baby #2. Even people who had babies what feels like long after me have started announcing their next pregnancies. I can't explain the feeling I get when I see those announcements but my heart feels so heavy.
Now here we are, 1 year and 2 months into trying for baby #2. It's not 2 years, 5 years or 10 years... I don't envy those who have been trying that long... but it has been a long 1 year and 2 months for me. Most people when I tell them about our infertility troubles want to know exactly what we've been trying and tell me exactly what we need to be doing instead. So let me clear the air:
- We use ovulation predictor tests every month. Yes, I ovulate.
- No I haven't been back to the doctor for Clomid. I have some PTSD from the side effects I had last time I was on it so I've had to work through all that before taking that step.
- We've done acupuncture which helped us get McKai, no luck there yet.
- Our next step is to try pre-seed and prep prep.
- No I don't have endometriosis, PCOS, thyroid issues or any other obvious reasons for infertility. I'm currently in the unexplained category.
- We've checked Tristan and he is not the problem.
Enough TMI for you? Overall, I've stayed pretty optimistic. The last couple of months have been the hardest yet but I just keep trying to cherish McKai and remind myself the reasons why I was grateful for infertility the first time. So until it's my time again, you can find me scrolling through pictures of tiny baby McKai!
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